Men's Counselling
As a society we are increasingly recognising the need for services that provide support for men. There are a number of important reasons why men have come into the spotlight and these include: a greater struggle with work-related identity, depression, loneliness, increased financial pressures and the desire of separated men, or men who are removed from their children through work, to maintain healthy and significant relationships with their children. Men also come to counselling for help with mid-life issues, work-related stress and relationship issues.
At Shape It Up! we understand many of the problems specific to modern men and offer counselling for these issues. Our counselling is non-judgemental and confidential. We encourage you to take better care of your health as well as your mental and emotional wellbeing.
If you are a separated Dad and you're looking for some tips, we recommend the following:
1. Call your children often even if you're not sure what to talk to them about. You can make a list of things to refer to incase you run out of conversation. Kids don't typically get excited if you ask them "how's school?" but if you ask after their pets, their favourite games and what they're planning to do for their birthday, you should have more luck.
2. If you haven't been in touch with your children for a long time, don't let that go on any longer. It's never too late to tell your children you care about them. No matter how they respond at first, you're helping to build their self esteem by showing an interest in them. Speak to their mum first if you can and tell her you'd like to give it a go.
3. Send your children little things in the mail so they know you're thinking of them. Even items like drink coasters or maps of where you've visited may be more interesting to your children than you think. The most important thing is that they know you're thinking of them.
4. It's super important you don't miss any special events in your children's lives, even if they seem insignificant to you. If you don't have a personal organiser or calendar, get one and write down all the special days, not just birthdays, but end of year concerts, dentist appointments and school excursions, so that if you can't attend you can ring your child and ask them how it went. This shows how much you care and how you are listening to what they are saying to you.
5. Be predictable if you can. If you've gotten into the habit of calling your children every week don't leave it for 3 weeks without calling, try to stay with the routine you've set up. It may even be a good idea to call on the same night of the week or at the same time of day.
6. Don't be discouraged if your children don't call you or write to you - children are often busy thinking of their own things. Did you think about your parents all the time when you were a child? The chances are you were too focused on the latest craze at school or what you were going to spend your pocket money on, but it doesn't mean you didn't care about your parents.
Above all, try not to be discouraged, being separated from your kids can be hard and it requires work. Be kind to yourself and seek help if you need it.
